My Personal Heroin
by DazzledIn2008
Summary: EPOV. Takes place one week before the wedding in Breaking Dawn. One evening in Bella's bed. What if she wanted Edward to drink her blood? I always thought that would be erotic but never got to see that in any of the books. Rated M for sensuality. Oneshot.


**Author's Note: I added a small clarification sentence towards the end of the story, thanks to my beta reader, and you know who you are! I apologize to all of the Story/Author alert folks if you get a notification about this story and you've already read it and you think you're getting something new! :)**

"Uh oh," Bella said casually.

We were laying in her bed, fingers intertwined, discussing our upcoming nuptials when she sat up, suddenly. The wedding was less than a week away, and her feigned disinterest in the event had remained frustratingly consistent since our engagement. I knew she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life—whatever that would be—with me. I also knew that the only reason she had agreed to marry me was that she expected a _certain_ human experience before she was changed. I was completely enthusiastic about Bella experiencing her human life to its fullest, but I was also obsessively aware of the possible consequences of our actions.

She sighed.

I turned to look at her, waiting for her to begin. She didn't.

"What?" I said, trying to hide my impatience.

Several seconds ticked by in complete silence. I was a vampire, and time was almost meaningless to me, but the seconds that I waited for Bella to tell me her latest thoughts were always the longest.

"Oh, it's nothing," she mumbled under her breath, her back still to me. "But you better hold your breath. I pricked my finger, and it's bleeding."

Relief washed over me, another minor crisis averted, although, curiously, the scent of her blood had _just_ now reached me. Was I truly becoming immune to her? Or had I just finally learned to control the bloodlust? I stroked her back reassuringly.

"Is it bad? Do you need a bandage?" I asked. Several more seconds passed without an answer, and I sat up next to her.

"Bella?" She was still facing away from me, and I couldn't see the expression on her face, and of course, I couldn't hear her thoughts. The longer she went without speaking, the more concerned I became, and it was evident now in my voice.

She turned slowly to face me on the bed, and I could see that she was holding the bleeding finger tightly in her other hand. The tip of her finger was bright red, almost purple… not from seeping blood, but simply from the pressure of her other hand. There was a tiny red dot perched at the end of her finger, almost too small to notice. In a fraction of a second, I processed the sight and scent of her blood, and I was surprisingly pleased to find that the monster inside me was locked down tightly. It still took a conscious effort, but it was manageable, a far cry from the imagined massacre of schoolchildren that first day in biology class.

"It doesn't… does it… bother you?" She was still looking down at her finger, squeezing, almost urging the tiny dot to grow microscopically in size. I could _hear_ the pulse from her fingertip pounding in my ears, growing louder as she applied more pressure. I could _see_ it, throbbing, the red dot increasing by minute leaps and bounds. I could _taste_ it on my tongue, the sensory memory from the dance studio in Phoenix, her hot, sweet blood on my lips, in my mouth, sliding deliciously down my throat. However, this was _not_ a pleasant memory, and I forced it to the back of my mind.

"No," I said with confidence, smiling. "I'm fine, really." I _was_ confident. I knew that I would never be a threat to her again, in any way.

She eyed me curiously, looking up through her thick dark lashes, her eyes wide and bright with excitement. "But is it still something that you… um, that you want? I mean, do you still crave it, would it still taste good to you?" Her cheeks were blushed bright pink.

I met her peculiar gaze and tried, for the millionth time, to read her thoughts. Her expression was one I had never seen before – hesitant, curious, excited, and… something else. As she stared back into my eyes, she slowly raised her hand, her _bleeding_ finger, towards me, an unasked question hiding behind her lips. I watched, with detached interest, the almost imperceptible motion of her hand as the tiny red dot floated closer to me by the microsecond. I suddenly realized the one emotion displayed in her face that I had not yet identified – encouragement – and I knew what she was asking me.

"_Bella_," I growled. I snatched her wrist in my hand and held it away from me in a immovable vice-like grip. "You are _not_ serious!" She didn't answer me. She didn't even blink. She just kept looking at me with that strange mixture of emotions, as if her request were still a possibility.

"Bella." I tried to reason with her. "Not only is this extremely dangerous, but…"

"But what?" She stared at me with those endless chocolate brown eyes, and I was lost for a moment.

"It's… _painful._" I tried to be as gentle as I possibly could, but she had to understand what she was asking of me. She looked confused.

"But I thought you were _over_ my blood!" she huffed angrily. I always found her anger slightly amusing, and this was no exception. I had to fight the smile that was threatening to spread across my face. I knew it would make her angrier, which was not my point. She had to understand why this could not be.

"And I thought _resisting_ was the painful part!" she exclaimed, as if she had found a loophole in my logic. "I would have thought that … giving in would be _easy_!"

"Easy?" I looked at her, incredulous. She had no idea what she was asking of me. "Bella, I have been exposed to your blood far more times than I'd like to remember, and…"

"And I'm still alive," she interrupted defiantly, pouting.

"Yes, but not without effort, love," I said gently, softly stroking her cheek with my free hand. "You're very irresistable." She seemed to soften at my touch, to lose a little of her previous fire. But the subject was far from closed.

"But that's _exactly_ my point," she said softly, pressing her warm face into my hand. "I don't want you to resist. This is something you want, and I want to give it to you… before it's all gone."

"Bella," I paused, gathering my thoughts. "I have fought against this side of my nature for so long, and I didn't know it at the time, but it was all for you. I needed to be good enough when I finally found you, I needed to _deserve_ you. And I know that I will never be good enough, but as long as I have you by my side, it will give me the strength to try…. I _have_ to try." I could see it in her face, I hadn't convinced her.

"This is different," she said softly. "This is a gift." I shook my head.

"Do you _want_ me to be a monster, to turn me into an animal?" I whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

"No, of course not! But I've _never_ thought of you that way, and I never will." She sighed and smiled at me. "But this is as much for me as it is for you... It's kind of selfish." She paused, obviously giving me an opportunity to ask questions that she assumed I had. But I remained silent. I was curious to see how Bella could possibly perceive the issue of my drinking her blood as something that would benefit _her_. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. She took a deep breath.

"You said that drinking human blood was the greatest pleasure that a vampire can have." Again, she paused. Again, I remained silent, waiting.

"And you also said that you wanted _my_ blood, in particular, more than any other human." I saw where she was going with this. She had obviously invested a great deal of time and thought to this subject.

"So that means that drinking my blood would be the absolute greatest pleasure that _you_ could have." She smiled again, pleased with her conclusion. "And I want to give you that, I want to _see_ that. I want to see it in a completely positive environment… no sadistic vampires, no burning venom, no lives threatened. I want to see what my blood does to you."

She looked utterly, devastatingly beautiful at that moment, and it was obvious that she meant every single word. She was looking at me with absolute devotion and trust. My resolution started to waver. It was a small thing, a tiny drop, and I had controlled myself in Phoenix. I knew I could do it again. But I had Carlisle as backup then, and Bella and I were alone in her room. If I lost control….

"Bella…" I shook my head slowly as I moaned her name in certain defeat. She saw the crack in my armor and took advantage of me in the way she knew best. She looked up at me through her dark eyelashes and pleaded in her soft voice.

"Please? Edward, it's what I want, please do this for me… _Please_."

This was her newly discovered weapon in our battle of wills, and she reserved it for only the most serious disagreements, when she knew that logic and discussion and compromise would serve no purpose. But when she looked at me this way, I was putty in her hands.

I was still holding her wrist, the one with the bleeding finger, and I relaxed my grip enough to let her know that she had won. I glanced down at the tiny spot of blood, and I started to think about what I was about to do. I tried to compose myself, to not let her see the lust for her blood building in me, now that I was decided. The smell of it alone was intoxicating, and I could already imagine how it would taste on my tongue, how I would savor that one tiny drop.

I pulled her hand slowly towards my mouth, my eyes locked on hers, wanting to see what she was seeing, alert for any signs of revulsion or horror, but all I saw was her growing desire. Her eyes were hot and piercing, and her heart was pounding. I could hear the blood rushing rhythmically through her veins, calling to me, singing to me. I pulled her hand closer, my lips parting in anticipation.

"Wait!" she said suddenly and froze, pulling her hand back slightly.

This was it. She finally came to her senses. I tensed for the inevitable. The screaming, the running.

"Will it change your eyes?" she whispered.

This was so like Bella, always thinking of others. She knew how important my family was to me, Carlisle especially, and if my eyes were suddenly bright red, they would know, and she knew that I couldn't bear their disappointment.

"No, love," I chuckled. "Not this small amount." She relaxed a little and gave me a small smile, my cue to continue.

I tightened my grip on her wrist and pulled her hand towards me again. If I didn't do this now, I never would, and I brought her finger to my mouth. She was watching me intently, and as I parted my lips again, I noticed that she did the same, as if she were anticipating the taste as much as I was. The heat was radiating off of her skin, and as I pressed her finger to my lips, it burned, a welcome fire on my ice cold skin. I ran my tongue slowly across her finger, my eyes never leaving hers, until I reached the tiny spot of her blood, and my senses exploded.

My body was suddenly on fire, every nerve tingling, and I knew I wanted more. I wrapped my lips around the tip of her finger, attaching my mouth to the small wound and drew every microscopic molecule inside me. My eyes closed in ecstasy and I imagined a thousand different scenarios to quench my thirst, all of which unfortunately ended in Bella's death. I repressed my instincts, my vampire nature, and I pulled Bella's hand away from my mouth.

It took me a moment to gather my calm, and when I opened my eyes again, it was apparent that she had never noticed a single moment of my indecision. She was still gazing at me with her deep chocolate brown eyes, and she had a fresh pink blush on her skin. I was overcome with emotion, with love, for this human before me, and I pressed my lips to hers with the taste of her blood still fresh on my tongue.

When I was finally able to break away from her, she was gasping for breath, her heart fluttering like a hummingbird.

"That was quick," she said breathlessly. I tried to appear cavalier now that the immediate danger had passed. I still had her wrist in my grasp, and I pretended to carefully study the now-invisible puncture.

"Well, the fingertip is not really the best source for…"

"Where?" she interrupted with a whisper. "Where is it the best?"

I'm not sure what her intention was with this line of questioning, but she was always curious about this side of me. I would not drink from her again, I was resolved, but I decided to play her game for the moment, to see where it led.

"You want me to pick one spot on your body to drink from? Only one?" I teased in my most seductive, dazzling voice. "There are so many..." I looked deeply into her eyes and saw that I was having the desired effect.

"There's this…" I ran my hand across her throat, pressing gently against the artery there and feeling her pulse quicken at my touch. "But you knew that."

"This is nice too…" I lifted her hand to my mouth and touched my lips against the translucent skin that barely covered the veins on the underside of her wrist. I brushed my lips slowly up her arm, stopping at the veins just inside her elbow.

"This is an obvious choice for the medical profession," I said as I explored the crease of her arm with my mouth. "But so easily accessible, so close to the skin..."

Bella's heart was pounding in my ears, her breathing ragged and shallow. She was completely entranced. She would go anywhere with me, do anything I asked, and it was up to me to keep us out of trouble. But her blood had inflamed me, and I had no intention of stopping either one of us.

I reached under the thick quilt that was keeping her warm against my cold skin, and I found her ankle. She had switched from her standard old sweats to oversized boxer shorts for the summer months, and her legs were bare. She shivered slightly, but she did not pull away from me.

"This is good," I said softly as I felt the throbbing pulse in the large vein near her foot, "but there is one better." I moved my hand slowly up her leg, barely touching her skin with my fingertips. Past her calf, her knee, her thigh… Until my hand rested on the large artery on the very inside of her thigh. A small sound escaped her lips.

"Here…" I whispered, pressing against her warm tender skin, "the blood flows freely… Hot, wet… delicious." I knew that I could take her then, and she would welcome it. She was parting her thighs for me, either for my bite or her virtue, I couldn't tell at this point, and that's when I knew I had to end this. I had to keep her safe.

I leaned in to kiss her neck, as I had done so many times before, but this time I moved slowly, pulling my lips back, baring my teeth as if to bite. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and then she leaned her head back, giving me her throat, so anxious for my evil gift. I paused for a moment, teasing her with anticipation, and then I brushed my lips across her throat, resting in the hollow beneath her ear. She sighed.

"Soon enough, my love," I chuckled softly. "Soon enough."

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